- I wish you would not be afraid to speak my loved
one's name. They lived and are important and I need to hear their
- If I cry or get emotional when we talk about
my loved one, I wish you new it isn't because you have hurt me; the
fact that they have died has caused my tears. If you allow me to cry,
I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
- I wish you wouldn't let my loved one die again
by removing from your home his pictures, artwork or other remembrances.
- I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and
downs. I wish that you wouldn't think that if I have a good day my
grief is over, or that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counselling.
- I wish you knew that the death of a child/sibling
is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is
the ultimate tragedy and I wish you wouldn't compare it to other losses.
- Being a bereaved parent isn't contagious, so
I wish you wouldn't stay away from me.
- I wish you knew all these 'crazy' grief reactions
that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration,
hopelessness and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected
following a death.
- I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over
in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic
for us. As with alcoholics, I will never be 'cured' or a 'formally
bereaved', but for evermore be recovering from my bereavement.
- I wish you understood the physical reaction to
grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not
at all, develop a host of illnesses or be accident prone, all of which
are related to my grief.
- Our loved one's birthday, the anniversary of
the death and the holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you could
tell us that you are thinking of them on these days. And if we get
quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about them and
don't try to coerce us into being cheerful.
- I wish you wouldn't offer to take me out for
a drink or to a party, this is just a temporary crutch and the only
way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have hurt
before and I can heal.
- I wish that grief changes people. I am not the
same person I was before my loved one died and I never will be that
person again. If you keep waiting for me to 'get back to my old self',
you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams,
aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new
me - maybe you'll still like me.